Our Take: Jaya: Omg Victoria: I mean, the key thing is to not engage with people who send you messages that you find offensive. Victoria: But it is definitely rude, also, to start off a message calling someone out for something- I mean, do you even want to date them? Victoria: Let’s say she contacted him first and he thought this tattoo was offensive–you can still be polite about it, like, “oh, I see you have a dreamcatcher tattoo- that seems offensive to me, so I can’t see it working out between us.” If you MUST say something. In a larger sense, if you’re looking to really date someone (not just fuck them), you should be looking at their whole profile and not just how cute you think they are.
I mean, the beauty of online dating is that you do not have to respond to anything. If that’s the only thing you’re attracted to you’re just not doing dating very well.
Official Etiquette: Miss Manners is not a fan of online dating, but recommends being vague and not unkind when declining future dates (after dates have already happened). Social Justice Warrior, he’s trying to neg her and then flirt about yoga?
In this case I believe she would advocate for not responding at all. That’s the most confusing thing, like, I thought you were here to get a date? I guess maybe some people think it’s their job to call out things they think are racist? The etiquette point is why would you contact someone and open with an insult? I would recommend not commenting on their appearance, but a short “you’re cute/beautiful” amidst an otherwise thoughtful message isn’t the worst. Like, it can be one of many things, but not the only thing.
As you may know, before I became a dating coach, I was a prolific online dater. Site are just big boxes of single people who are trying to meet each other. If you’ve ever received an email like this, you know it sucks.
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Victoria: Yeah, and I mean, when you are “meeting” someone for the first time, it’s really best to keep things fairly light- small talk, as it were.
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